This
is what the ad should have said.
Seeking
energetic, upbeat individual with finely tuned organizational skills. Candidate
should be willing to relocate frequently*, usually far away from family and
friends; able to manage household maintenance issues as they arise, most often
when partner is deployed; and have a good sense of humor (which you will need)
or at least a deep appreciation for the ironic. Additional skills considered
helpful but not necessary: enjoys long periods of solitude; possesses great
social skills; and a willingness to be a single parent if required. Full
medical and dental coverage provided. For more information a How-to Manual is
provided. *previous moving skills are not
necessary but considered very helpful.
How
to be a Naval Spouse
They
come from different parts of the country, different education levels, different
socio-economic backgrounds, all faiths and political party’s are represented. A naval spouse can be one of the most
challenging jobs you’ll ever have. It can
also be one of the most rewarding. Below is a short guide on some aspects we
have found helpful in becoming a successful spouse to your career Navy service
member.
Self-reliance
If
you enjoy a challenge, being on your own and discovering your inner strengths
through crisis, then this job is for you. Deployments can range from four
months to one year. The ability to problem-solve and make crucial decisions
independent from your spouse is critical. Self-reliance is key to success but a
willingness to ask for help is essential for survival.
Patience
There
is no way to get around it – you need a boatload
of patience in order to be successful. Dig deep, it’s in there somewhere. Call on whatever reserves you may
have, because your patience will be tried repeatedly throughout a 20-year
career: either in the commissary with long lines and screaming kids, or in the
pharmacy with long waits and screaming kids, or during the PCS season
(Permanent Change of Station) involving multiple lines in multiple locations in
order to process out from one duty station to another.
Ordeal
The
average Navy family will relocate every 2.9 years over a 20-year career.
Preparation is key to transforming an ordeal into an adventure. The first step
in the process towards a successful move is contacting your spouses Personnel
Support Department (PSD a.k.a. PTSD) which will then set you on track to the
Personal Property office to set up your HHG (Household Goods). Be sure to have
a copy of your spouse’s orders in
triplicate. Additionally, a current Power of Attorney will prove crucial – nothing can happen without the POA, you need the “Power” to take
control.
Urgent
Purchase
a good set of tools and familiarize yourself with how they feel and what they
are used for. Home Maintenance for
Dummies is suggested for reference. Equally important is having a reliable
mechanic and/or maintenance man on speed-dial. Years of study have shown that
as soon as a spouse deploys whatever was fully operational with either the
house or car will require urgent attention within 24 hours of his departure. Be
prepared.
Sisterhood
To
offset the many challenges you face as a military spouse one of the greatest
benefits are the friends you will make with other military spouses. They’ve “been there – done that.” They understand
better than your family or friends back home or even at times (or perhaps most
times) your spouse, the trials and tribulations of setting up a household,
getting kids enrolled in schools, the how-tos and where-fors of finding sports
teams for your kids (because you moved after the local tryouts had already
taken place), dentists that take your health care, etc. They are always there
to lend an ear or have a shoulder ready when you’re
convinced you’ve reached your tipping point. You cannot survive without
your fellow sister-spouses, they are critical to your success. Cultivate them,
care for them, keep them.
Engagements
You
will be frequently required to attend social engagements with individuals you
have little in common with except that both of your spouses are in the Navy.
Polished social skills will be most helpful when you engage in conversations.
Additional tips would be to always have on hand in the cupboard some sort of
go-to appetizer for when your husband calls and asks “what are you doing?”
for me that is code for I’m about ready to get
hit with something that wasn’t on my to-do list – like attending a get together at the Commanding Officers
house … in an hour …
oh and your spouse is tied up at work and will be meeting you there.
More than 28 years ago as a
bride-to-be I was given an apron that read “Navy Wife: Toughest Job in the
Navy.” I was young, thought it was cute but kind of goofy, and more importantly
wondered why I’d even need an apron.
The apron was retired long ago from overuse, on one of our many moves it did
not make the pre-move purge, but it reminds me today on Military Spouse Appreciation
Day that this job of being a military spouse (note the more PC shift from “Navy
wife” to spouse – shows just how long I’ve been working this gig) is tough.
Over the years my willingness to move may have dampened (move 13 will take place next month) and perhaps my sense of humor in
dealing with military bureaucracy tends to now move more towards the ironic but in this job I have been richly rewarded with experiences and friendships that will last a
lifetime and I am glad I answered that ad my husband-to-be put out there so
long ago. “Toughest Job in the Navy?” Bring it on.
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